Being a tech geek brings its own challenges.  One challenge that we face is how to balance our many geek interests with our real world commitments.  And one of the most important parts of the real world that we need to manage is our marriage or relationship with our spouse or significant other.

So, how does one foster a strong marriage, while still indulging tech interests?  Really, the same tips apply to a geek marriage that apply to any marriage involving a spouse who is passionate about a hobby.  Ever know an avid golfer?  He or she probably faces some of the same challenges.  With that in mind, here are some tips from someone who is probably completely unqualified to give them.

Photo by saschapohflepp.

Set Boundaries

No, "set boundaries" doesn’t mean you should establish boundaries around your tech interests, and keep your spouse at bay.  Instead, "set boundaries" means that you have to set boundaries with yourself and your tech.  Your spouse must come first, so know where to draw the line.  Know when you’ve been at the computer too long, and it is time to enjoy time with your spouse.  Hopefully, this really isn’t even a sacrifice for you.  Put your marriage first.

 

Push, But Not Too Hard

You love tech, and you want to share your latest find with your spouse.  That’s OK, go right ahead.  But know when to say when.  If your spouse isn’t a tech geek, then he or she may grow tired of all your new finds, or, worse, start to think that you care more about your tech than you do about him or her.

 

Find Other Activities, Besides Tech, to Enjoy Together

Tech is great.  But it can’t be your entire life.  Commonality of interests can make any marriage easier.  Try to find an activity that you enjoy, and that your spouse might also enjoy, that can become a regular part of your life.  My wife and I like to ski together, and take walks together, but even something as mundane as enjoying some of the same TV shows gives us an activity in common, and something to discuss.

 

Stop Trying to Analyze Everything

Geeks are a different breed.  At the risk of painting with a broad brush, geeks often seem more analytical and logical than "regular folks."  We’re accustomed to digging into gear and code, and putting a logical spin on how things work.  When it comes to relationships, don’t try too hard to pigeonhole everything with logic.  Love involves these crazy things called emotions and feelings.  At times, logic will tell you that your spouse is, at best wrong, and at worst bat-poop crazy.  Emotions defy logic, so stop trying to make them logical.

 

Don’t Be Condescending

Geeks often think that others "don’t get it." Don’t fall into the trap of looking down at others.  There are many areas of your spouse’s life that you won’t get. Helping your spouse with a tech-oriented task?  Explain it without talking down to your spouse.  As my wife has explained to me, "if you explain something nerdy, don’t re-explain it every time.  I was listening the first time.  If I don’t understand, I’ll ask."

 

Show Her That There’s Something in It For Her

While not essential, if you can turn your geek hobbies into a way to make some extra money, all the better.  Your spouse might then view your tech geekery as a bit more than a hobby, and be a bit more understanding.

 

Don’t Let Your Tech Crimp Her Style

You have to find a way for your tech to coexist with your relationship, physically.  You can’t pile up gadgets all around the house, without consideration for your wife’s wants and needs.  For example, my wife HATES wires.  She’s big on decorating and the whole HGTV thing, so she views wires as an abomination.  As a result, I’ve had to work to mesh the aesthetics of my gadgets with her vision for our home.

 

Miscellaneous Tips

There a few more tips that can point you in the right direction.  A real handy tip is to set up a bug server, and have your spouse register all complaints/problems on the bug server.  An even better tip- don’t take marriage advice from a tech blog.

 

What tips do you have for helping your tech interests coexist with your marriage?