I hated this app. Not because it wasn’t fun, and not because there was something wrong with it — no, no, none of that. It was because it called to me in the middle of the night, squawking at me softly, compellingly; demanding that I play it over and over again until the wee hours before the dawn. Even now, as I write this, the little red bird that promotes the game’s evil is peeking at me with his sinister cartoony eyes, poking his head around the left-most edge of my Evernote window.
I couldn’t allow it. Angry Birds for Chrome messed with my productivity mojo — and this is why the Birds had to die.
I had been avoiding the game for months. I’ve got an iPhone — and an iPad too. I follow these things. I pay attention. I know exactly how addictive Angry Birds has been for people, so I avoided it like the productivity plague that it was (and is!). But all of that ended on one fateful day when I was trolling the Chrome Web Store for new and exciting apps.
It was late, you see, and I was tired. I had been working my butt off on some freelance projects — a website redesign plan, a proposal for social media marketing, some blog posts for a new productivity blog I’m working on (ironic, I know) — and I needed to blow off some steam. That’s how they get you, see? There’s that moment of weakness, and you see their ad — and suddenly you’re installing, clicking, and watching those poor little birds get their eggs stolen by those bastard green (but cute!) pig heads. Don’t question the logic of it — it’s freaking mesmerizing!
So I tried the first level. It was easy. Too easy, like all gateway drugs are. Just a little taste, you know? A taste for free.
Free? Ha! I spent the next few hours of my life firing bird after crazy, utterly enraged bird into green-pig-head strongholds. Dozens and dozens died for the cause — it was a bleeding massacre! But I took those little piggies down, man. I got ’em one after the other, after the other. I giggled maniacally as I toppled their houses around their green little piggy ears. I shook my fist and roared after them as they ran away again and again with the eggs of my allies — and I followed them determinedly into battle after glorious battle. Who cared that I had to get up in an hour? I was rocking this game! Physics was my bitch! I — damn, was that my wife’s alarm clock? WTF time was it anyway??
So you see… It wasn’t my fault! I had to do it. I had to go back to my Google Chrome start page. I had to open the Apps section — and I had to kill that app with a single brutal blow to the head. No mercy. Damned thing was f*#^ing up my schedule.
Have you killed any angry birds lately? Tell us your story in the comments.