Why I Killed Angry Birds for Chrome [App of the Week]

Angry Birds for Google Chrome | 40Tech

I hated this app. Not because it wasn’t fun, and not because there was something wrong with it — no, no, none of that. It was because it called to me in the middle of the night, squawking at me softly, compellingly; demanding that I play it over and over again until the wee hours before the dawn. Even now, as I write this, the little red bird that promotes the game’s evil is peeking at me with his sinister cartoony eyes, poking his head around the left-most edge of my Evernote window.

I couldn’t allow it. Angry Birds for Chrome messed with my productivity mojo — and this is why the Birds had to die.

I had been avoiding the game for months. I’ve got an iPhone — and an iPad too. I follow these things. I pay attention. I know exactly how addictive Angry Birds has been for people, so I avoided it like the productivity plague that it was (and is!). But all of that ended on one fateful day when I was trolling the Chrome Web Store for new and exciting apps.

It was late, you see, and I was tired. I had been working my butt off on some freelance projects — a website redesign plan, a proposal for social media marketing, some blog posts for a new productivity blog I’m working on (ironic, I know) — and I needed to blow off some steam. That’s how they get you, see? There’s that moment of weakness, and you see their ad — and suddenly you’re installing, clicking, and watching those poor little birds get their eggs stolen by those bastard green (but cute!) pig heads. Don’t question the logic of it — it’s freaking mesmerizing!

So I tried the first level. It was easy. Too easy, like all gateway drugs are. Just a little taste, you know? A taste for free.

Free? Ha! I spent the next few hours of my life firing bird after crazy, utterly enraged bird into green-pig-head strongholds. Dozens and dozens died for the cause — it was a bleeding massacre! But I took those little piggies down, man. I got ‘em one after the other, after the other. I giggled maniacally as I toppled their houses around their green little piggy ears. I shook my fist and roared after them as they ran away again and again with the eggs of my allies — and I followed them determinedly into battle after glorious battle. Who cared that I had to get up in an hour? I was rocking this game! Physics was my bitch! I — damn, was that my wife’s alarm clock? WTF time was it anyway??

So you see… It wasn’t my fault! I had to do it. I had to go back to my Google Chrome start page. I had to open the Apps section — and I had to kill that app with a single brutal blow to the head. No mercy. Damned thing was f*#^ing up my schedule.

Have you killed any angry birds lately? Tell us your story in the comments.

Bobby Travis

Bobby isn't 40-something, but is a strong supporter of the Grown-up Geek kind. He's a loving husband and father first, but is also a freelance writer, productivity nut, operatically trained singer, and (not-so) closet geek. Check out his random thoughts, wackiness, and Instagram pics on Tumblr, Twitter, or Google+-- or just head over to bobby-travis.com.

12 Comments:

  1. Dude. Dude. Dude. Let me just say that I’m crying I’m laughing so hard. That was freaking hysterical!! I love this post! Read like a novel! I better not tell you then that they plan on making Angry Birds into a movie, eh?! Bravo!

    • Heh — I’m glad you enjoyed it, man! I had a blast writing it. And I’m not afraid to say that killing Angry Birds was a bit painful for me — or that it still attempts to haunt my dreams…. O.0

  2. Haha! I’ve been hearing so much about this game. So, after reading your post, I asked my brother to go try out Angry Birds on his Ipod touch. Mind you, his Ipod is swamped with random games. He refuses to do it, telling me with a straight-face that he knows he’ll get addicted. Only a matter of time though.

    By the way, had no idea they were making an actual movie out of it. Now that’s news to me.

    • Yeah, I didn’t respond to Daniel’s movie comment because I was trying to block it out of my head. A movie might be doable though. Two hours or less. A one time appointment. It may be time I will never get back, but at least it won’t haunt my dreams.

      I hope.

  3. Hey, I hear there’s going to be an Angry Birds movie!

    :)

  4. Ok, I *like* Angry Birds, but I’m just not at crazy about it as some people! I just can’t get past some levels without raising my blood pressure to dangerous levels. Not worth it. I’d rather raise my blood pressure playing Words with Friends. ; )

  5. Lol, that’s just what i did two nights ago. I’ve been avoiding the game because i don’t really have time to play games anymore, but two nights ago i was so busy that i felt like taking a break in the middle of my work(!). And i somehow ran over Angry Birds :(
    Two hours later i remembered i actually had important work to do, and that was the beginning of the end for Angry Birds. A minute later they were no more. Sad indeed.

    • I hear you, man. There are times when I still hear them squawking in the back of my mind: “Play me (squawk!)…. Kill the mean green piggies… (squawk!)” etc, etc.

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